Losing your own dog is a devastating experience for many people, perhaps even the worst of their lives. Whether the death of our furry friend occurs suddenly and unexpectedly or the impending farewell was already looming, the void left by our beloved pet is something no one can fill. The deep sorrow that engulfs pet owners can only be truly understood by those who have lived or are currently living with a dog.

Assistance in Dealing with Death, Grief, Despair, and Guilt

Many people who have lost their dogs grieve more intensely and feel a greater and deeper pain than when losing a (close) relative or good friend.

These intense emotions and the obsessive thoughts about the loss of the dog are confusing for many and are sometimes deemed inappropriate. However, I assure you:

Firstly, it’s the closeness and the extensive time spent with our loved ones. With no one else (except perhaps a life partner), do we spend as much time and share as many moments and rituals as with our dogs:

The numerous walks several times a day, often for hours.

The fridge opens, and suddenly our furry friend is sitting next to us.

You eat a yogurt, and from the first spoonful, our friend eagerly waits to lick the cup.

These are just a few personal examples, but every dog owner shares these or similar moments. Your dog also has its unique quirks and traits that you’ve come to love over the course of your cohabitation, and you’ll terribly miss.

Secondly, the intensity of the relationship with us and our dog differs from that with friends, acquaintances, and relatives:

For our four-legged companions, we are 100% responsible; everything they have is US.

They don’t pursue goals beyond our relationship; they are not independent and don’t “do their own thing.”

Everything they experience and feel depends on US. One cannot have more responsibility for a living being, and the only relationship similar among humans is that between parents and children.

It’s no coincidence that many people who own pets refer to themselves as “pet parents,” and among dog owners, the terms “dog mom” or “dog dad” are even more common. This alone explains why the loss usually hurts so terribly, and the farewell becomes a significant event in life.

The best strategies to process the grief over your dog

You might be wondering how to best deal with the loss so that the unspeakable pain diminishes?

The simple and sometimes disappointing answer is: There is no universal cure for dealing with grief.

However, experience shows that for many pet owners grieving their dogs, the following aspects are immensely helpful:

We, as humans, our personalities, our lives, and individual situations are too diverse for there to be “one right way” that is equally appropriate and fitting for everyone.

Therefore, it is not possible to pinpoint THE one “true” solution for dealing with grief.

The Phases of Grief

Typical in the grieving process is the experience of various grief phases, primarily characterized by different emotions and physical or emotional reactions and thoughts.

Most people go through these phases at some point, with no real consensus on how long each phase lasts (as it is individual) or how intense it might be.

It is also not the case that the phases are strictly experienced in sequence; rather, it is more of a cyclical process, where reverting to a previous phase is common.

Grief Phase 1 – Denial and Non-Acceptance

Typical feelings in this grief phase include emptiness, unreality, numbness, helplessness/stupor, chaos, and paralysis.

Expressions like “This can’t be happening,” “I am lost,” “This is all just a bad dream,” etc., characterize this phase.

Physical and emotional reactions can also be observed, such as a changed pulse, sweating, restlessness, vomiting, indifference, confusion, avoidance of contact, and motor restlessness.

Grief Phase 2 – Emerging Emotions

During this phase, emotions like fear, sadness, anger, helplessness, and guilt are frequently present.

Typical thoughts in this phase include “I should have been more careful,” “The doctors are to blame,” “I should have done more for my dog…,” “It was so wonderful just now…”

Possible physical and emotional reactions include irritability, depression, rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, mood swings, sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, indifference, or apathy.

Grief Phase 3 – Searching and Detaching

Loneliness, despair, incomprehension, helplessness, but also gratitude and joy are among the typical feelings in the third grief phase.

Expressions like “I search for him/her everywhere,” “I think I heard my dog bark,” “My dog would have enjoyed that” are typical here, emphasizing the aspect of “seeking contact” until thoughts of separation arise again, and awareness of the loss sets in.

Typical emotional and physical reactions include intense dreams, depressive states, searching behavior, talking to the deceased dog, and inner dialogues.

Grief Phase 4 – New World and Self-Reference

The fourth phase can be described as a phase of renewal and is predominantly characterized by positive feelings such as happiness, joy, liberation, relief, gratitude, and peace.

Typical expressions in this phase include “I am glad to have processed the loss of my dog,” “I can finally focus on other aspects of life again,” or “My dog is always by my side in thoughts.”

Nevertheless, the body or the soul remains vulnerable to negative impulses and setbacks in the form of a labile mood, overreaction to other types of loss, etc.

Comfort as an important aspect for coping with grief

Grief is an adaptive process that depends mainly on the factors of time and your willingness to view your situation through a different lens.

For some, this process may be faster and more straightforward, while for others, it may take longer, with two steps forward followed by one backward, as mentioned earlier in the context of grief phases.

Therefore, it is important to “stay on the ball” and open yourself to comforting perspectives, reminding yourself of them from time to time.

This also means that you must allow yourself to find comfort and create a real awareness of where comfort can be found in aspects of your situation.

For example, you can shift your focus away from the loss and instead see the time you shared as a gift of fate.

Thus, from a bitter perspective about the loss (which is inevitable), it becomes a grateful and humble perspective, showing you how privileged you were to spend a part of your life with your dog.

It’s these and many other insights that can be internalized to bring about “healing” and overcome grief better than if you let time work for you alone.

The situation remains challenging, of course! But I assure you that, no matter how down you feel right now and how much you mourn, you will cope with the situation if you open yourself to these ways of thinking.

You are strong – even if you don’t feel that way right now

I know that you probably lack any optimism at the moment. However, I would like to offer you another outlook that I personally find comforting and that will hopefully help you look hopefully into the future.

Because death is one of the most natural things and a central concept of nature, we humans have developed powerful mechanisms over the course of our evolution to emotionally process death, grief, and farewell. Every generation before us mourned its losses, as did many species for hundreds of thousands of years.

The ability to deal with grief is genetically deeply embedded in us, and even the latest scientific findings show that the grieving process in 99% of cases occurs naturally and spontaneously – even in traumatic events.

As hinted at earlier, coping does not proceed linearly and steadily but rather in a wave-like manner.

Depending on how acute your dog’s death is, you may have already observed these mechanisms in yourself: Despite your loss, there were probably situations where you didn’t constantly think about your dog and were not actively occupied with mourning.

Perhaps even moments when you laughed or at least smiled or were carefree.

This is good and wonderful, and you need not feel guilty about it!

Even now, you are allowed to laugh with friends, enjoy the warmth of the sun, celebrate personal successes, or whatever brings a feeling of happiness to you!

You are not condemned to live in absolute sadness from now on, even if you may feel that way right now.

It is not a betrayal to your dog if you occasionally feel really good again!

On the contrary, I’m sure your furry friend wishes nothing more for you than to be happy again and to think of him with gratitude!

Any emotions that arise in your situation are absolutely natural reactions of your psyche – both in good and bad. Don’t resist it; instead, accept this (initially intense) interplay of emotions as a kind of “providence” from Mother Nature.

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