Ever had a flight so awful that you couldn’t wait for it to end? Well, let me tell you about the newlyweds who turned my 14-hour trip into a total nightmare. They acted like the plane was their personal honeymoon suite, and when things spiraled out of control, I decided to teach them a lesson in airplane manners they wouldn’t forget.
I’m Toby, 35 years old, and after hearing my story, you might think twice about booking a long flight. Picture this: I’m on my way home from a tiring work trip, counting down the hours until I can hug my wife and kid. Everything was going smoothly—until they boarded.
I had treated myself to a premium economy seat for this flight. Let’s be honest, on a 14-hour flight, every inch of extra space counts. I was feeling pretty good about my decision, settling into my seat, when the guy next to me, Dave, leaned over and introduced himself.
“Hey, I’m Dave. Listen, would you mind switching seats with my wife? We just got married, and, well, you know…”
I smiled politely and asked, “Congrats! Where’s your wife sitting?”
Dave pointed towards the back of the plane. “She’s in economy.”
Now, I get it—newlyweds want to sit together. But I had paid a lot of money for this seat, and I wasn’t about to give it up for free.
“Sorry, Dave,” I said. “I paid extra for this seat. I’d only switch if you cover the difference—about a thousand Australian dollars.”
Dave’s face darkened immediately. “A thousand bucks? You’ve got to be kidding.”
I just shrugged and popped in my earbuds. “That’s the deal.”
As I leaned back in my seat, I heard him grumble, “You’ll regret this.” And oh, was I about to.
First, it was the coughing—loud, chest-shaking hacks that made me wonder if I needed a hazmat suit. I leaned over and asked, “You okay there, Dave?”
“Never better,” he said, his cough getting even worse.
Then, he pulled out his tablet and started playing an action movie at full volume. No headphones, no regard for anyone around him. The couple sitting across the aisle shot him a look.
“Hey, buddy, can you turn that down?”
But Dave just grinned. “Forgot my headphones. Guess we’ll all have to enjoy it together.”
I clenched my jaw. “Dave, seriously. Turn it down.”
He smirked. “Oh, am I bothering you?” His voice oozed sarcasm.
Next, it was the pretzels. Somehow, Dave managed to drop crumbs everywhere—mostly on me. He gave a smug smile. “Oops. Butterfingers.”
I was this close to losing it when Dave’s wife, Lia, appeared in the aisle, giggling like a schoolgirl. Without warning, she plopped down on his lap, and they began acting like they were in their own little love bubble.
I tried to focus on my book, but with all the giggling, whispering, and… other noises, it was impossible. After an hour of enduring their behavior, I’d had enough.
“That’s it,” I muttered to myself, flagging down a flight attendant. If Dave and Lia wanted to make this flight unbearable, I was about to turn the tables.
The stewardess approached, and like clockwork, Dave and Lia dialed up their newlywed charm—smiling and sweet, as if butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths.
“Is there a problem, sir?” the attendant asked politely.
“Problem? Where do I even begin?” I said, raising my voice just enough for the nearby passengers to hear. “These two have been treating the plane like their personal honeymoon suite.”
The stewardess raised an eyebrow, then looked at Lia, who was still perched on Dave’s lap. “It’s against airline policy for an adult to sit on another person’s lap,” she said firmly. “Ma’am, you need to return to your seat.”
Lia pouted and fluttered her eyelashes. “But we’re newlyweds! It’s our special day!”
I couldn’t help but jump in. “Yeah, it’s been their ‘special day’ for well over an hour now.”
The stewardess wasn’t having it. “Ma’am, please return to your seat. And sir,” she turned to Dave, “you didn’t pay for this upgraded seat. If you can’t follow the rules, I’ll have to ask both of you to move back to economy.”
Dave’s face turned pale. “Both of us?”
“That’s right,” the stewardess said firmly. “You were upgraded as a courtesy, but you’ve abused that privilege. Now, please gather your things.”
As Dave and Lia started packing up, I overheard them whispering angrily at each other. “This is your fault,” Lia hissed under her breath.
“My fault?” Dave shot back, just as annoyed. “You’re the one who—”
“Enough,” the stewardess interrupted. “Back to your seats, please.”
As they walked past me, red-faced and humiliated, I couldn’t resist a parting shot. “Enjoy your honeymoon,” I said with a playful wave.
Dave shot me a look that could’ve melted steel, but I didn’t care—I was too satisfied to feel any guilt.
The flight attendant gave me a grateful smile as she passed by. “Anything else you need, sir?”
I grinned. “Just some peace and quiet—and maybe a drink?”
Not long after, she returned with a whiskey and cola, on the house. “Thanks for your patience,” she said with a wink.
An older man across the aisle gave me a thumbs-up. “Well played, son,” he chuckled. “Reminds me of my first marriage. We were young and dumb too, but at least we knew how to act in public.”
I laughed, finally feeling some peace.
As the plane began its descent into Los Angeles, the captain’s voice came over the intercom: “We’re approaching Los Angeles International Airport. Please fasten your seatbelts.”
I gathered my things, eager to get off the plane. As I passed by Dave and Lia, now sitting in the back, I couldn’t help but toss one more comment their way. “Hope you learned something. Enjoy the rest of your honeymoon.”
Dave’s face turned beet red, but he wisely kept quiet.
Stepping off the plane, I felt like I had won a little battle. And when I saw my wife and kid waiting for me in the terminal, their faces lighting up as I walked toward them, all thoughts of Dave and Lia vanished. I was home, and that was all that mattered.
