I recently opened up on Reddit about a dilemma I was facing with my mom. You see, I just gave birth to my baby and needed help taking care of my newborn since I was going back to work. Naturally, I thought my mom would be perfect for the job. She’s 64, and she’s been a homemaker since 1992. But to my surprise, she wasn’t interested in a full-time babysitting gig.
Mom told me she was too old and had already done her part raising her kids. She even said I should have thought about staying home if I wanted to have a baby. “We managed to make it work when you were little,” she said. “
Your father worked, and I stayed home with you kids. If we could do it, then you and your partner can figure out a way to build a ‘traditional’ family too.”
I understood her point, but things are different now. My partner and I just survived the pandemic, which really hit our finances hard. Plus, the economy isn’t great, and we have a lot of debt. I laid it all out: “I make $55k a year, but I’ve got $39k in student loans and $20k in other debt like credit cards, car loan, and medical bills. My partner makes about $36k a year and has $5k in credit card debt.”
With me being the higher earner and having all this debt, not working isn’t an option. We live in a small one-bedroom apartment, and we’re trying to save up to move to a bigger place once the baby grows. Every penny counts right now. But Mom wasn’t budging.
She said she’d babysit, but only if I paid her $20 an hour, plus late fees if we picked up the baby late, and I had to get another car seat and stroller. She also wanted to be compensated for driving the baby back to our place because babysitting at her apartment was non-negotiable.
To make things worse, she lives just 15 minutes away and has only been to our apartment once in the five years we’ve lived here. I found her demands unreasonable. I told her, “I want to save money to pay off our debt, and I can’t afford to pay you that much or invest in double everything. It would just spiral us into more debt.”
What I thought would be an easy solution ended up causing a lot of tension between us. With her conditions, taking my newborn to an infant care center seemed like a more convenient and cheaper option. Still, I turned to Reddit to ask if I was wrong for not wanting to pay my mom for babysitting. “She doesn’t do anything besides watch TV and cook meals,” I added.
My story didn’t go over well on Reddit. Other users were just as harsh as my mom. They told me I shouldn’t have had kids if I couldn’t afford to take care of them. Some pointed out that I should have discussed this arrangement with my mom during my pregnancy, knowing I’d need to go back to work.
Many people agreed with my mom, saying she had every right to refuse because childcare is a demanding job. They also thought I was rude for saying she did nothing but watch TV and cook. “She’s retired and deserves to enjoy her life,” they said.
Others added that while she could offer occasional babysitting out of kindness, expecting her to do it full-time wasn’t fair. In the end, I came across as entitled to a lot of readers.
It wasn’t the response I hoped for, but it did make me think about the situation from different perspectives. Maybe it’s time to explore other childcare options and figure out a plan that works for everyone.
Share your thoughts in the comments down below!
