I recently opened up on Reddit about a dilemma I was facing with my mom. You see, I just gave birth to my baby and needed help taking care of my newborn since I was going back to work. Naturally, I thought my mom would be perfect for the job. She’s 64, and she’s been a homemaker since 1992. But to my surprise, she wasn’t interested in a full-time babysitting gig.
Mom told me she was too old and had already done her part raising her kids. She even said I should have thought about staying home if I wanted to have a baby. “We managed to make it work when you were little,” she said. “
Your father worked, and I stayed home with you kids. If we could do it, then you and your partner can figure out a way to build a ‘traditional’ family too.”
I understood her point, but things are different now. My partner and I just survived the pandemic, which really hit our finances hard. Plus, the economy isn’t great, and we have a lot of debt. I laid it all out: “I make $55k a year, but I’ve got $39k in student loans and $20k in other debt like credit cards, car loan, and medical bills. My partner makes about $36k a year and has $5k in credit card debt.”
With me being the higher earner and having all this debt, not working isn’t an option. We live in a small one-bedroom apartment, and we’re trying to save up to move to a bigger place once the baby grows. Every penny counts right now. But Mom wasn’t budging.
She said she’d babysit, but only if I paid her $20 an hour, plus late fees if we picked up the baby late, and I had to get another car seat and stroller. She also wanted to be compensated for driving the baby back to our place because babysitting at her apartment was non-negotiable.
To make things worse, she lives just 15 minutes away and has only been to our apartment once in the five years we’ve lived here. I found her demands unreasonable. I told her, “I want to save money to pay off our debt, and I can’t afford to pay you that much or invest in double everything. It would just spiral us into more debt.”
What I thought would be an easy solution ended up causing a lot of tension between us. With her conditions, taking my newborn to an infant care center seemed like a more convenient and cheaper option. Still, I turned to Reddit to ask if I was wrong for not wanting to pay my mom for babysitting. “She doesn’t do anything besides watch TV and cook meals,” I added.
My story didn’t go over well on Reddit. Other users were just as harsh as my mom. They told me I shouldn’t have had kids if I couldn’t afford to take care of them. Some pointed out that I should have discussed this arrangement with my mom during my pregnancy, knowing I’d need to go back to work.
Many people agreed with my mom, saying she had every right to refuse because childcare is a demanding job. They also thought I was rude for saying she did nothing but watch TV and cook. “She’s retired and deserves to enjoy her life,” they said.
Others added that while she could offer occasional babysitting out of kindness, expecting her to do it full-time wasn’t fair. In the end, I came across as entitled to a lot of readers.
It wasn’t the response I hoped for, but it did make me think about the situation from different perspectives. Maybe it’s time to explore other childcare options and figure out a plan that works for everyone.
Share your thoughts in the comments down below!
5 thoughts on “I Want My Jobless Mom, 64, to Babysit My Kid but She Demands Payment”
Well I babysit my grandkids for free. I enjoy every minute of it. It adds to my life. I think she should help out without pay. If all she does is laying around watching tv, she’s wasting her life away. She is selfish.
shes not selfish! she earned her chance to lay around { wasting her life{ besides i dont know how old your grandkids are but were talking about a baby here who demands extra care and im 70 and its not that i couldnt do it i just wouldnt want to!
I take care of my grandkids 4 days a week, 8 am to 4:30 pm. I’m 67 years old. My son and wife pay me as it is a full time demanding job. I drive 25 min to and from their house as well. I also do some kitchen cleaning for them. I’m sure it would cost them a lot more to send them to a daycare and they wouldn’t get the love they get from me. As well as knowing they’re safe with their grandmother. I do not think it’s unreasonable to pay your mom something for babysitting. It’s not an easy task at our age!!!
Your mother owes you nothing. She raised her children. She will ask for yours when she wants to have them stay.
Personally, I steal my grandchildren all the time but when it is right for me to have them. I would never have my children pay me for babysitting.
If my kids need a sitter they will ask me. If I have previous plans that I can’t change I wont take them and my children understand.
I encouraged my children not to have children unless they can pay a sitter. They have not paid a sitter yet but my daughter in law was a stay at home mom for 10 yrs. She then got a job at a daycare so she wouldn’t have to pay the big daycare bill.
My daughter and son in law have his mother and grandmother care for their daughter. They live closer. My granddaughter was born with a heart issue. So, we grandparents do what we can to keep her out of daycare.
None of us are EXPECTED to babysit.
My grandchildren are now adults so child care is no longer an issue for me. Sharing my thoughts…
First, what your mother chooses to do with her time is really no one’s business, including yours. In addition, your debt is not your mother’s problem.
If you were counting on having her babysit your baby, this should have been discussed and agreed to before having your baby. Assuming your mother was able and willing to do this is very presumptive.
When my daughter had children and went back to work she arranged child care for her children. I was happy to take our grandchildren for a weekend every so often and also had them for a week here and then during the summer. However, I was not up to full time child care at that time of my life. I did not have the energy nor stamina to take care of babies/toddlers all day, all week.
You said you thought it would be an easy solution to have your mother care for your child while you were at work The reality is that it is an easy solution for you! Not so much for your mother.
Frankly, I would not have wanted to do child care even if I were paid. I was really happy to have them stay with us the times they did. But I think I might have been resentful had I been expected to do full time child care.