My daughter usually spends some weekends with her father, but this time, something happened that sent my heart racing. She called me and used our special code word, letting me know she needed help. This is why having a secret code word can be a lifesaver for kids.
When I was young, my mom taught me a code word to use if I was ever in trouble but couldn’t say so directly. It was a simple, yet powerful tool that I decided to pass on to my daughter, Amy. I figured she might use it to get out of uncomfortable situations, like awkward sleepovers, but I never thought she’d need it so soon.
Yesterday started like any other day. I was in the kitchen, finishing my evening coffee, when my phone rang. It was my ex-husband, Dave. Our relationship, once warm and loving, had become tense over the years. Divorce does that, and while we tried to stay civil for Amy’s sake, it wasn’t always easy.
“Hey, Claire,” Dave’s voice sounded hesitant. “Amy wants to talk to you. She’s been asking to tell you about her day since she got here.”
This caught me off guard. Amy usually enjoyed her weekends with her dad and didn’t often call me during those visits.
“Sure, put her on,” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady, though Dave’s tone made me uneasy.
“Hi, Mom!” Amy’s voice was as cheerful as ever, but there was something in the way she spoke that made me listen more closely.
“Hey, sweetie! How’s your weekend going? Having fun?” I asked, keeping things light.
“Yeah, it’s been good. We went to the park yesterday, and I drew some pictures this morning. I drew a dog, a tree, and… I wish I had a blue marker so I could draw blueberries.”
My heart skipped a beat. There it was—our code word! For a moment, I was speechless. I had taught Amy that “blueberries” was our secret word for when she felt unsafe but couldn’t say it out loud. I never imagined she would actually need to use it.
I took a deep breath, forcing myself to stay calm. The word meant one thing: “Come get me now.”
“That sounds great, honey. I’m coming to get you right away, but don’t mention it to your dad. I’ll talk to him when I get there. Anything else you want to tell me?”
“No, that’s it,” she replied, her tone still sweet but tinged with something else—fear? Uncertainty? I wasn’t sure, but I knew one thing: I had to get her out of there.
“I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Okay, Mom. Love you.”
“Love you too, my Amy Wamy,” I said, hearing her giggle as I hung up the phone, my hands trembling. My mind raced, trying to figure out what could have gone wrong. Dave had never given me a reason to doubt his care for Amy, but something was definitely off. I grabbed my keys and headed out, determined to bring my daughter home.
When I arrived at Dave’s place, I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. To my surprise, it wasn’t Dave who answered, but a woman I didn’t recognize. She looked at me with a mix of curiosity and irritation.
“Can I help you?” she asked, her tone cold.
“I’m here to pick up my daughter,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm. “Is Dave home?”
“He’s out running some errands,” she replied, crossing her arms. “But Amy’s inside. Who are you?”
“I’m Claire, Amy’s mom,” I said, feeling my patience thin. “And you are?”
“Lisa,” she said, not softening at all. “Dave’s girlfriend. We’ve been living together for a few weeks now.”
I was stunned. Dave hadn’t mentioned he had a girlfriend, let alone that she had moved in. And Amy hadn’t said anything either. But now wasn’t the time for questions—I needed to get Amy out of there.
“Well, Lisa,” I said, forcing a smile, “I just remembered that Amy has a doctor’s appointment early tomorrow, and there are some things we need to prepare for. I forgot to mention it to Dave, so I’m just going to take her now and bring her back later.”
Lisa didn’t seem convinced but didn’t argue either. “Fine, but I’ll let Dave know.”
“Of course,” I said, stepping past her into the house. Amy was on the couch, curled up with a coloring book. When she saw me, her face lit up, but I could see the relief in her eyes.
“Hi, sweetie,” I said, keeping my tone light. “We need to get ready for the doctor tomorrow, remember?” Amy nodded and got up, holding her book close. She didn’t say a word as we left the house. Lisa watched us go, her eyes narrowing, but she didn’t stop us.
Once we were in the car, I looked over at Amy. “You okay, baby?” I asked gently.
At first, Amy nodded, but then, as the tension melted away, she began to cry. “Mom, Lisa… Lisa is mean to me when Dad’s not around.”
“What do you mean, sweetie?” I asked, my heart sinking.
“She says I’m annoying and that I shouldn’t be here,” Amy said, tears streaming down her face. “She told me that if I told Dad, he wouldn’t believe me because I’m just a kid. She said I should stay in my room and not bother them.”
Anger surged through me. How dare this woman, who had no right to be in my daughter’s life, treat her this way?
“Amy, you did the right thing by telling me. I’m so proud of you,” I said, trying to stay calm. “You don’t have to be around her if you don’t want to. I’ll talk to your dad, and we’ll figure this out, okay?”
Amy nodded, wiping her tears. “Okay, Mom.”
When we got home, I hugged Amy tightly and told her how much I loved her. Once she was settled in her room with her favorite stuffed animal, I called Dave. He answered after a few rings.
“Hey, Claire, did something happen? Lisa said you came by and took Amy?”
“Yes, something happened,” I said, unable to hide my anger. “Amy used our code word today, Dave. She wanted to leave because Lisa has been saying terrible things to her when you’re not around.”
There was a long silence on the other end. “What? That can’t be right… Lisa wouldn’t—”
“She did, Dave. Amy was in tears by the time we got in the car. She’s scared of your girlfriend and didn’t know how to tell you, so she used our code word.”
“I’m sorry, Claire. I had no idea. I’ll talk to Lisa. This isn’t okay.”
“No, it’s not,” I said, softening my tone. “But right now, we need to focus on Amy.”
“You’re right,” Dave said, sounding defeated. “I’ll handle it. I promise.”
After we hung up, I sat on the couch, emotionally drained. This wasn’t how I expected the weekend to go, but I was glad Amy felt safe enough to use our code word. It had made all the difference. I realized then that Amy needed a phone, despite my worries about technology. It would help her stay connected with me, and in situations like this, it could be crucial.
As I reflected on what happened, I knew how important it was for other parents to have a similar system in place. A simple code word gave Amy a way to reach out without feeling exposed or scared, and it allowed me to step in before things got worse.
Choosing a code word isn’t something to take lightly; there are a few key rules to follow. First, never use common words that might come up in regular conversation, like “school” or “birthday.” You don’t want the word to cause unnecessary alarm. It should be something unique that others won’t easily guess.
Secondly, consider using a short phrase if your child is old enough to remember it. Something like “dancing penguin” or “blue apple” can work well. Make sure it’s easy for your child to recall, even if they’re stressed.
Finally, practice using the code word with your child in different scenarios. Role-playing will help them feel confident and prepared if they ever need to use it.
Our experience was a powerful reminder of how a simple plan can make a big difference. By sharing our story, I hope other parents will consider creating a code word with their children. It might just be the tool they need in a critical moment.
