Do you think you have crazy relatives? Let me tell you about mine, and you might just change your mind.
My husband, Harry, and I had been together for nearly fifteen years, married for seven, and we had two wonderful children—Maya and Luke. Our little family was my world, but dealing with our extended family? That was another story.
From the very first day I met my mother-in-law, Charlotte, and my sister-in-law, Candice, I knew something was off. At first, I convinced myself I was just nervous, that I was overthinking things. I had no idea then just how much trouble they would bring into my life.
Before our wedding, Candice proved just how self-centered she was. She threw a full-blown tantrum because I had chosen someone else as my maid of honor. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she complained that my wedding dress was prettier than hers, as if my wedding was supposed to be about her!
She nearly ruined the entire day, but thankfully, Harry’s grandmother, Grace, stepped in and handled the situation. Grace was the only truly kind soul in that family, aside from my husband, but unfortunately, she lived too far away to rescue us often.
Candice had always been dramatic, but just before her thirtieth birthday, she did something so outrageous, it made me question reality itself.
She rarely visited us, and when she did, she kept her distance from our kids, always complaining that they were “too noisy” or “gave her headaches.” But one day, she suddenly spent hours playing with Maya. Something about it sent a shiver down my spine. As it turned out, I had every reason to be worried.
During dinner, Candice kept glancing at me and Harry. I knew she wanted attention, but I had no idea why.
“I have an announcement!” she finally declared, her voice ringing through the dining room. “I’m going to be a mom!”
Harry choked on his food, coughing as he grabbed his water. I froze, my fork halfway to my mouth.
“What?” I asked, my brain struggling to process her words.
Harry wiped his mouth, staring at her with furrowed brows. “Who… who’s the father? You’re not even dating anyone.”
He was right. The last boyfriend she had ran off after she screamed at him for not buying her an expensive handbag.
Candice waved a hand dismissively. “That’s actually why I came over today. The parents of my daughter will be you two.”
My stomach twisted. “What?!”
She sighed like I was the crazy one. “I’m almost thirty, and I don’t have a husband. The perfect birthday gift would be a daughter.”
I opened my mouth, then closed it. I had no words. Was she serious?
Harry rubbed his temples. “You want Stephanie to be your surrogate?”
Candice shook her head. “No, I want you two to have a baby for me.”
I placed my hands on the table. “So, it would be our child, and you expect us to just… give it to you?”
“Not just give—give it to me for my birthday. What’s the problem?” She smiled as if she were asking for a sweater.
I stared at her in disbelief. “You seriously don’t see a problem?” My voice rose. “Harry and I aren’t having any more children. I am NOT having a baby just to hand it over to you.”
Candice scoffed. “Stephanie, you’ve always been so selfish.”
Harry’s chair scraped against the floor as he sat up straighter. “No, Candice. Stephanie is right. We’re not doing this.”
“But why? You already have two! What’s the big deal about having one more?” she whined.
I clenched my fists. “I am not an incubator! A child is not an object! A child is a person!”
“You just don’t want me to be happy! You want to be the only one with kids!” Candice shrieked.
Harry slammed his hand on the table. “Enough! Leave. Now.”
Candice’s face burned red. She stood, shaking with anger. “I’ll tell Mom about this!” She stomped to the door, threw it open, and slammed it behind her.
I exhaled. “How did she even come up with this?”
Harry shook his head. “She’s completely lost it.”
I thought that was the end of it. I was wrong.
A week later, Candice showed up at our house with Charlotte by her side. Candice’s arms overflowed with shopping bags from baby stores. My first thought was that she had decided to be a good aunt and bring gifts for Maya and Luke. But the smug look on her face told me otherwise.
Charlotte walked in without waiting for an invitation, sat on the couch, and gestured for Harry and me to join her. Candice stood nearby, grinning.
“Candice told me that you agreed to give her a baby,” Charlotte said matter-of-factly.
“What? No, we told her we weren’t going to do that,” I said firmly.
“Why not?” Charlotte asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Because it’s insane,” Harry replied.
Charlotte folded her arms. “Stephanie, as a woman, you should know that the older you get, the harder it is to have children. Candice is already almost thirty.”
I took a deep breath. “I’m not going to give my child to your daughter, who has no idea what it means to be a parent.”
“That’s not true! I already bought everything!” Candice announced, pulling out baby clothes and dresses from her bags.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “You do realize that a baby is not a doll you can just dress up, right?”
Candice smiled. “My daughter won’t cry. She’ll be like Maya—I’ve never seen Maya cry.”
“That’s because you’ve never spent enough time with her,” I said bluntly.
Charlotte suddenly stood and disappeared down the hall. My gut told me something was wrong. I followed her and found her in our bedroom—poking holes in our condoms.
“What are you doing?!” I shouted.
Charlotte turned to me, completely calm. “Making everyone’s life easier.”
I saw red. “Have you lost your mind?!”
“I just decided to help a little,” she said with a shrug.
“Help? You’re interfering in our personal lives!” I screamed.
But then, an idea formed in my mind—a way to teach Candice and Charlotte a lesson they would never forget.
I plastered a smile on my face. “You know what? If you’re going to help, then I agree.”
Charlotte beamed. “Finally!”
For the next nine months, I played my role well. I faked a pregnancy, wore fake bellies, and even “left town to give birth.” On Candice’s birthday, I presented her with a baby carrier wrapped with a bow. She squealed in excitement. But when she opened it, she found a doll inside.
Her face twisted in horror. “WHAT IS THIS?!”
Harry and I burst into laughter. “The only baby you’re fit to take care of,” I said.
Candice shrieked, and Charlotte gasped in outrage. But their reaction was nothing compared to Grace’s fury.
She stood and pointed a shaking finger at them. “ARE YOU BOTH OUT OF YOUR MINDS?!”
Then she said the words that changed everything. “I am writing you both out of my will.”
Candice sobbed hysterically. Charlotte shouted in frustration. But Harry and I? We walked out, hand in hand, with our heads held high. Justice had been served.
