Nicole Kidman may be living her dream life now, happily married to Keith Urban, but love hasn’t always been kind to her. It’s easy to forget that before this chapter, she spent 11 years married to Tom Cruise. From 1990 to 2001, the pair were one of Hollywood’s power couples, but their messy divorce made headlines everywhere when it came crashing down.

Their split is still a topic of interest, with new details surfacing even now. Recently, Kidman spoke about one of the most emotionally complicated moments of her life—a time of great success mixed with deep sadness. This moment came just after her divorce from Cruise and right before what should have been the proudest moment of her career.

In 2003, Kidman won her first Oscar for playing Virginia Woolf in The Hours. While this should have been a career-defining high, it was overshadowed by the pain of her recent divorce. Kidman and Cruise had adopted two children together—Isabella and Connor—and they had seemed like the perfect couple for years. But after 11 years of marriage, things fell apart.

As Kidman prepared for her big night at the Oscars, she was also finalizing her divorce. This emotional rollercoaster stole away much of the joy she should have felt. Even though she won the prestigious award, her personal life weighed heavily on her.

Speaking to author Dave Karger for his book 50 Oscar Nights, she shared a raw and vulnerable memory of that night. “I went home and ended up ordering takeout and eating it on the floor of the Beverly Hills Hotel.

I sat on the floor of the hotel eating French fries and a burger with my family and went to bed. That’s when it hit me. I went, ‘I need to find my love; I need a love in my life.’ Because this is supposed to be when you go, ‘This is ours.’”

She added, “I went to bed alone; I was in bed before midnight. If I ever won again, I’m telling you, I’d be out for 24 hours.”

Despite the sadness of that night, Kidman’s story didn’t end there. Just five years after her split from Cruise, she found happiness again. In 2006, she married country singer Keith Urban. Together, they have built a beautiful life and now share two daughters, Sunday Rose and Faith Margaret.

Last year, the couple celebrated their 17th wedding anniversary, and their love seems stronger than ever. Kidman’s journey through love and heartbreak has had its ups and downs, but in the end, she found the happiness she had longed for.