Navigating the delicate territory of suggesting names for a grandchild can be challenging for new grandparents.
While it’s natural to have preferences, there’s a fine line between making polite suggestions and being imposing.
One man on Reddit found himself grappling with this issue as his mother became a “mother-in-law from hell” to his wife during their pregnancy. Despite setting boundaries, he questioned whether he went too far in making his opinions known…
A pushy grandmother-to-be
I’m a 25-year-old guy who recently took to Reddit’s ‘Am I The A*e‘ thread to share the unfolding situation, explaining the challenges faced by me and my 25-year-old wife, Kenzie, who were expecting our first child.
This child would be my parents‘ first grandchild, which started causing “some craziness” from my mother – and most of this was aimed at Kenzie. In my post, I wrote that it was the first time I was able to see just how pushy my mother could actually be…
“This started right after our pregnancy announcement. My mom went to Kenzie and told her we should name our child Rodger if we had a boy and Elizabeth if we had a girl. Rodger was my mom’s grandfather, and she wanted to name me or one of my brothers Rodger, but Dad vetoed the name every time,” I said.
However, my mom became increasingly persistent, despite Kenzie informing her that we weren’t really looking for baby name suggestions and already had a few in mind. Choosing to ignore our wishes, my mother apparently told Kenzie that the names “were important and should be used.” Yikes…
“A couple of weeks after the first incident, my mom asked Kenzie if she knew whether baby Rodger or baby Elizabeth was joining the family. Kenzie told her neither of those names were in the running, and we didn’t know yet,” I continued, adding: “Kenzie mentioned Mom bringing up the names to me then but downplayed how pushy she was being, so I said nothing at that point.”
The situation intensifies
The situation eventually reached a tipping point when we learned we were expecting a boy, and my mother took it upon herself to order baby items embroidered with the name Rodger.
“The first we knew of this is when she gave us a little door decoration with the name Rodger on it. I told my mom then that we hadn’t finalized a name yet and wouldn’t be announcing it until after he’s here anyway,” I explained.
Though, the future grandmother sadly didn’t choose to stop there. In fact, she then took the liberty of posting about the embroidered clothing and baby items on social media, which naturally created a false impression that the name ‘Rodger’ had been decided on by us.
It was at this point that I “lost it” and went to confront my mother directly, who said it was important that we take her opinions on board, given that she was to be one of the baby’s grandparents.
In response, I firmly stated that my mother “had zero rights to name our baby and her opinion wasn’t wanted or important here.” I then wrote: “My mom told me it was rude to dismiss her opinion and her feelings as unimportant and I should have more respect for her.”
However, reflecting on this confrontation, I wondered if I had gone too far when telling my mother how I felt. While acknowledging the need for space from her overbearing behavior, I questioned the appropriateness of my response.
The situation highlighted the complexities that can arise when extended family members become involved in the naming decisions of a new baby, prompting a need for clear boundaries and respectful communication.
What the internet had to say
One person wrote: “You should’ve put a stop to this long ago. The first time she was pushy, you should’ve told her one more time and you personally veto the names like your father did.”
They continued: “Go to the social media posts or make your own referencing hers and tell everyone that your baby won’t be named either of those things,” before adding: “Instead of building resentment, you should shut your mom down.”
Another comment read: “Your wife should block her and all communication should go through you from now on. It’s not fair to make her deal with all this, especially while pregnant and becoming a new parent.”
What do you think? Would you have done the same if you were in this situation? Let us know in the comments!
2 thoughts on “Overbearing mother-in-law demands to name grandchild, causing feud”
Are you really that dense? You are allowing your mother to make your wife’s pregnancy much harder than it needs to be. You should have put a stop to this abuse months ago or your marriage will not last.
Parents should be free to name their child. Grandparents are in the circle. Their opinion on the name should be between the grandparents. None of the business . Shut up and call the baby what mom and dad named them.
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