In August 2017, Tony Alarcon’s phone rang out of the blue. Like most parents, he thought it was just another telemarketer bothering him. But this time, he picked up.
When a school calls, it usually means something serious. Tony’s heart raced—was his daughter, Demetra, okay? Had something happened at school?
What he heard next left him shocked.
It was a typical scorching summer day in Northern California, with the temperature hitting 90 degrees. That morning, Tony had dropped off his 13-year-old daughter, Demetra, at Raymond J. Fisher Middle School in Los Gatos, California. She was wearing a blue romper, a light, comfortable outfit perfect for the heat. Neither Tony nor Demetra thought twice about it.
But someone else did. A teacher at the school said her outfit was “too distracting” for the boys.
The teacher told Demetra that her romper was too short, so Tony hurried back to the school with new clothes—jean shorts and a tank top. However, when he arrived, the administration told him those clothes were also inappropriate.
Tony was floored. “I asked Demetra to bend over and touch her toes, right in front of the administrator,” Tony said to TODAY. “And I said, ‘Nothing is hanging out. There’s nothing inappropriate. I don’t get this dress code rule.’”
Father fights California middle school's dress code for teen daughter https://t.co/qoTOVO7fJ6 pic.twitter.com/V1tUrOWCTO
— CBS News (@CBSNews) September 16, 2017
Still, the school insisted her outfit was “distracting.” On a scorching 90-degree day, Tony had no choice but to go back to his car and get a pair of leggings for his daughter.
Demetra felt embarrassed and humiliated.
“You get pulled out of class in front of everyone… She’s just a kid. She’s just 13. She’s not a sex symbol. She just wants to be comfortable and attend class, and we’re not giving her that chance,” Tony said.
This wasn’t even the first time Demetra had been dress-coded. Just a week earlier, she had been scolded for a visible bra strap.
“When I got dress coded one time last week, they said my bra strap was showing,” Demetra shared with the San Jose Mercury News. “Lord forbid I might be wearing a bra.”
Tony, a successful investment advisor and father of two, wasn’t going to let this go. He was outraged by what he saw as a dress code that unfairly targeted girls. Determined to fight back, he took to social media to share his frustration. Soon, parents from all over the country began supporting him, agreeing that the school’s dress code was outdated and sexist.
“Demetra isn’t the only one. Just sit in Fisher’s parking lot and you’ll see that,” Tony said. “I’ve heard from so many girls that they just want to be comfortable, but they feel like they’re being forced to wear leggings in 100-degree heat.”
Tony believed that it should be up to parents—not schools—to decide what their children wear. He also worried about how this constant policing of girls’ clothes could hurt them emotionally, especially when they’re told their clothes are a “distraction” to boys.
As the story gained attention, major news outlets began covering Tony’s fight to change the dress code. Though the school refused to speak on camera, they did release a statement:
“The Los Gatos Union School District believes that appropriate dress and grooming contribute to a productive learning environment,” the superintendent told TODAY in a statement. “Students are expected to wear clothes that reflect the core values of our learning community.”
Tony’s efforts didn’t go unnoticed. Thanks to his persistence, the Los Gatos Union School District decided to reevaluate its dress code, making it fairer and less strict for all students.
Lisa Fraser, the school’s principal, explained that the “Fashion Faux Pas” rules applied to both boys and girls. Among the banned items were hats or hoods indoors, visible underwear, inappropriate words or logos, and shorts with less than 4-inch inseams.
“There has always been a dress code,” Fraser told the newspaper. “These are standards for reasonable decorum. I do reserve the right to set guidelines for the school, but I want to lead with the pulse of the community and reflect the community’s core values.”
In the end, Tony Alarcon’s determination sparked an important conversation about how dress codes impact young girls. He showed that one parent’s voice can make a real difference.
What do you think about the school’s dress code? Have you or your children experienced something like this? Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments!
